Posted by: karenevoss | May 13, 2011

Ponder This

Ponder This

“I am hope for all who are hopeless. I am eyes for all who long to see. In the shadows of the night, I will be your light. Come and rest in me”. – You are Mine, David Haas

I often wonder what life would be like if my husband had not completed suicide. Would we still be living in the same house or would we have been selling it like we talked about before we married? Would we have started our family we were planning a couple of weeks after our wedding? Would I be the stay-at-home mom as planned while he worked outside the home? Would I be scrapbooking our family, friends, and home remodeling? Would a dog instead of a cat (he was allergic) have found its way into our hearts and home? Would I still suffer from tension headaches? Would I have become more athletic?

I cannot answer these questions, nor can anyone else. What I do know are the achievements and goals I have reached since his death.

I became more active at the South Shore Y, resulting in weight loss, becoming a volunteer for the Wellness Team and iCONNECT, and getting connected to some wonderful people who have become friends. I have attended and participated in events putting me in touch with key staff. Through the Y I have also met my chiropractors who have led me to become prescription drug free and OTC drug free. I am also 98% free of tension headaches. I work out and receive regular adjustments to keep me healthy and to take care of my physical self.

Introduced to Higher Brain Living (HBL) by Dr. Drew Neville, my former chiropractor who is a Director and Facilitator of an AWAKEN Higher Brain Living Center, has allowed me to move forward with an open heart and eyes wide open. I have become stronger, more confident, more motivated, and inclined to share my journey with the rest of the world. Through HBL and H.E.A.R.T. (Human Emergence and Rapid Transformation) sessions, I became survivor guilt-free two years after Russ’s death. Survivor guilt is comprised of all the questions of “what if”, “what could have I done’s”, “what should have I done’s”, and “why didn’t I’s”. On my first Authentic Self~Kosmic Consciousness Retreat, I accepted Russ’s death (the last stage of the grieving process) which then allowed me to disperse any leftover anger, forgive God and feel forgiven by God. The retreat revealed to me that I have a passion for writing and I consider myself an aspiring writer. HBL has brought forth a talent I did not think I could succeed at until I started receiving feedback. I am living the Declaration I created. Learn more about HBL:

Throughout my journey, I have been connecting with people whose lives are affected by suicide. This could be the death of a family member or friend, supporting someone else, or people who have contemplated suicide but chose to live. I am becoming more involved in suicide awareness, prevention, and education by sharing not only my story, but other information as well.

Technically, you could call me a Survivor (of Suicide), but I have removed that title. Instead, I prefer to say I an advocate for saving lives. I am a writer. I am one who inspires the world. I am strong and thriving. I am discovering who I am meant to be.

A dream is only a dream until you put it into action. A thought is just a thought until you put into writing. A story is only words until you share it, live it, and experience it.



  1. very moving and inspiring. I enjoyed it. I’m very happy you found peace and the balance you have been looking for.

    • Thank you Linda. It has been a long road, but I am stronger because of it. As I continue along my journey, I will be able to assist others in theirs and putting my thoughts into words is one way I can do this.

  2. Good for YOU Karen! I know that many of your friends, including me, are very proud of how you’ve taken on life these past couple of years.
    I hope this blog is a great exercise of mind and creative energy for you.
    good job!

    • Thank you Vivian. I am on a journey that has no ending and I am able to take it places. We have all learned alot in the past couple years and I know I am stronger because of everything. I tell people now, I can only go up from here. On occasion I read the poem you wrote and I can never forget, but I carry on and I know Russ would be happy.

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