Posted by: karenevoss | November 9, 2011

What the Heart Wants

“‘Cause the heart won’t lie. Sometimes life gets in the way” -Reba McEntire

     In scientific terms, the heart is something we can’t live without. It keeps blood and oxygen pumping throughout our bodies providing us life. If the heart stops working properly, cardiologists figure out a way to “fix it”. This fix could be a pacemaker, bypass surgery, or lifestyle changes. Sometimes “fixing” a damaged heart isn’t possible.

    A heart, no matter what shape, size, or color is full of emotion at any time, in any place and with anyone. The ideal heart if full of love and happiness all the time, but it is good to experience the wide range of other emotions. Sadness, anger, and stress all play a role in how your heart reacts to all types of situations. Instead of the song asking, “what’s love got to do with it?”, we should ask, what’s heart got to do with it? The answer is simply a lot.

    All people know love, but not everyone has experienced love. Everyone loves someone or something. It could be love towards family and friends, God or other religious figure, a pet, a car, sports teams, school, a job, a hobby, and yourself. The strength of the love you share with any of these may change overtime. It may become stronger or weaker depending on the relationship. No matter what, you knew love and will always remember it and what it meant to you.

   Some of us have been fortunate enough to have experienced love. While love at first sight does exist, many of us love someone else before meeting the person who is your one true love; the one you plan on spending the rest of your life with. Heartbreak is part of the love experience. Most of us have felt it and dealt with it.

   There are two kinds of heartbreak. The first results from ending or having one end, a relationship with someone special by a breakup, annulment, or a divorce. The other pertains to death of your one and only love. When you breakup with someone your heart aches and you may believe it’s the end of the world. You believe you never again will love because it hurts too much. It takes about six months to work through your heartache; it may take more time or less. You will deal with every emotion as your mind remembers good, fun, happy, sad, and stressed times. Know this, your heart will mend and you proceed with life again. You may or may not find another love, but the important thing is to remember to love again.

     The death of a spouse or significant other takes a new meaning to heartbreak. It’s more like heart destruction though love that strong will never completely perish. When you grieving, your heart and mind live every emotion and feeling. Once the main stage of grief has passed, you begin to question if you could move forward in life with someone else. And if so, when? You may also feel guilty about moving forward. You may feel fear about being left through death and/or with tragedy.

     I speak from experience when I say you may feel guilty wanting to move forward. I lost my husband of four months nearly three years ago. We shared something special and I think of him daily. I live with the fear of moving forward in life with someone else and yet I know he would want me happy. Early on in grieving, while with friends, I questioned how strong our love really was to have him leave me so soon; without hesitation arms wrapped around me and reassured that Russ loved me. I sometimes forget that mental illness and suicide took Russ from me way too soon in our life together. I know I my heart is capable of loving again, it just takes time to move forward.

I’ve learned the heart doesn’t lie when it comes to emotions and feelings. It’s ok to remember and experience. And LOVE again.

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